The Battlefront

I spend a great deal of my time managing conflict and mitigating losses. Knowing when to fight and when to walk away is one of the most important things I've learned in life. You cannot engage in every battlefront you're presented with. Sometimes there is simply more to be gained by walking away. It's not a retreat out of fear or cowardice it's a cognitive choice. If you cannot win, why waste your time engaging? Or if you can win but at the cost of something else, why waste your resources? I think a lot of people approach conflict as a proving ground of might - If I stand here long enough and loud enough someone will be impressed with my presence. And perhaps that is true, but anyone impressed by such simplistic and brute measures probably isn't someone that you needed to impress anyway. And in this case what we are really looking for is recognition - we want to know that we have value and sometimes as people it seems much easier to lessen an opponents value than to raise our own, especially when it seems no one is listening.

Conflict should teach us about ourselves - our capabilities, our limitations, and most importantly our ability to truly be aware of our fears and desires. Most people fight for one of two reasons - they fear something or they want something. Unfortunately we often get swept away in the ebb and flow of emotions during a conflict and lose sight of the reasons behind our conviction to fight. This is where I stop. Sure the rage flushes over me and my thoughts spin in a flurry of outrage, but I don't act in this moment. I stop and ask myself what it is a really want and am I going to accomplish it by flying off the handle or raining down destruction. Typically the answer is no. And the more often these moments rise up in me the more I learn about myself, and the less I feel the need to fight. There are far better, easier, more lucrative, and more mutually beneficial ways to get what you want. A little critical examination and a lot of creativity can go much farther than a burst of sharp words or elaborate schemes.

Anymore when someone tries to start a conflict with me I immediately look for the problem that has driven them to those means. The problem is seldom found directly in the person someone starts conflict with. Other people instead facilitate an exercise of might over something greater - I can beat a person but I might not be able to beat an injustice. If I can identify someone's problem and help them solve it, or at least relieve some of the burden then I have at best created an ally and at worst silenced an enemy. Either way my position is better than it was before the conflict arose.